DerekAllard.com

I’m channeling Vanilla Ice to build ExpressionEngine 2

As proof that my eyes are going bleary and that I'm working really hard on ExpressionEngine 2, I present this little gem. Sometime near the end of yesterday, I started to lose my mind. I had been coding for nearly 2 days straight, and had hit setback after setback (I have very little to show for those 2 days unfortunately). An interesting thing happens to me when I'm stressed and tired and frustrated... my mind wanders. It wanders far. In this case, back to 90s rap (keep reading, I swear I'm going somewhere with this). So I did the only logical thing, I decided to drag Derek Jones into the gutter with me and hit him up over IM. He was having a frustrating moment of his own. I was eager to offer a solution:

Me - I have a solution. extend the magic class...
Jones - ::slaps head:: I forgot about it, as per usual.
Me - here's some code

$this->magic->2_legit_2_quit('hey hey'); 

Jones - you didn't...

And it goes downhill from here...

stop('hammer_time'); 

to which he responded

do {
     pray
(); 
while ($just_to_make_it_today === TRUE); 

and here's where it starts to really go downhill... I wrote

if (hits_me($my_music) == "so hard")
{
     
echo "OH MY GOD!";

Finally, Derek recognized it for what it was...

Jones - "ok now it's just getting stupid"

And we moved back into coding (see the discipline that guy has?) but I haven't been able to drop it. This morning, I'm coding away on some JSON stuff... and it happens again. Here's what came out of my fingers...

if ($problem)
{
     $yo 
"I'll solve it";
}

while ($dj->revolves($it))
{
     $check
->out->the($hook);
}

for ($i 0$i 3$i++)

     ice
();
     if (
$i == 2)
     
{
          
exit('baby!');
     
}

Have any any your own? Let's get it on like Donkey Kong! Be sure to put your "song" inside of [code] tags and not <code> tags.

This entry was made on and filed into Personal, PHP.

Comments

Lewis wrote on

Geekiness just hit a whole new level!

Cliff Persaud wrote on

$salary="Just got paid";
$day="Friday";
$time="Night";

if(
$salary=="Just got Paid" && $day=="Friday" && $time=="Night"{

echo"Party's Jumpin";

if($you=="stay off my back"{
 
echo "It's all good";

}else {
 
echo "I will attack and you don't want that";

if ($you=="down with opp"{
  yeah_you_know_me
();

Steve wrote on

for ($i 0$i 3$i++)
{    if ($you == $life_after_love)
    
{    $something_inside_me "I really don't think you're strong enough now";
        echo  
$something_inside_me;
    
}

That’s my feeble attempt at Cher, should read as…

Do you believe in life after love
I can feel something inside me say
I really don’t think you’re strong enough now,
Do you believe in life after love
I can feel something inside me say
I really don’t think you’re strong enough now

Cliff Persaud wrote on

if ($dogs=="released" && $liberator=="unknown"{

echo"Who let the dogs out";
echo
"Who?"
echo"Who?"
echo"Who?"
echo"Who?"

while($things_go_right{

$it_takes
=2;

Adam wrote on

while ($i_want != "a place to stay")
{
    
echo $_GET["your_booty_on_the_floor_tonight"];
    
make($myday);
}

pumpUp
($thejam);

for (
$i=0$i>2$i++)
{
    pumpUp
($it);
}
echo "yo pump it"
for ($i=1$i<6$i++)
{
    
switch ($i)
    
{
        
case 1:
            echo 
"We can have lots of fun";
        case 
2:
            echo 
"Theres so much we can do";
        case 
3:
            echo 
"Its just you and me";
        case 
4:
            echo 
"I can give you more";
        case 
5:
            echo 
"Dont you know the time has arrived";
    
}
$steps 0;

$iTake $steps 2;
$iTake $steps 2;

attract($dark$light);

if 
youKnow($it != "fiction"{
    $it 
"a natural fact"
    
}
attract
($dark$light);
   
function 
attract($x$o{
    
if ($x $o 0{
    $we 
"come together";
    

Michael Wales wrote on

define('HOKEY_POKEY'TRUE);
if (
in_array('ghetto'$location)) {
  clap
(9);
  
left();
  
reverse(left());
  
hop();
  
stomp(RIGHT_FOOT);
  
stomp(LEFT_FOOT);
  
chacha(REAL_SLOW);
else {
  
for ($i 0$i <= 2$i++
    
$i++;
    
in(RIGHT_HAND);
    
reverse(in(RIGHT_HAND));
  
}
  shake
(RIGHT_HANDrand(0360), rand(0,360));
  
turn_about($self);

It’s late so I took the cheap route and made it all functions. But - we have the Hokey Pokey with a Ghetto modifier (DJ Casper’s Cha Cha Slide).

Jamie Rumbelow wrote on

if ($action=="lying_in_bed"
{
define
("THOUGHT_LOCATION","running_through_head");
$love 0;
$this->loving "Angels";

Haha! This is fun :)

Mario Mikic wrote on

A year ago, I’ve wrote a women class with a friend over IM. Definitely a lot of fun :) If I find it, I’ll post it

James Gifford wrote on

$i_just_want_to_tell_you_how_im_feeling = array(
    
'give you up',
    
'let you down',
    
'run around and desert you',
    
'make you cry',
    
'say goodbye',
    
'tell a lie and hurt you');

foreach (
$i_just_want_to_tell_you_how_im_feeling as $gotta_make_you_understand{
    
echo "Never gonna $gotta_make_you_understand<br />";

Oh man, I can’t believe I just posted that!

Derek wrote on

OH MAN!  These are HILARIOUS!

You guys are awesome.  We have a bunch of musical savants in here it would seem!  And truthfully, this isn’t entirely without coding merit either, as it gets you into the space in your brain for code logic.

I think I’m going to start talking like this in everyday conversation.

Hm, on second thought…

BoltClock wrote on

Feeling stupid because I don’t get what’s going on in this post and its comments, yet I wanna join in too :(

Ricky wrote on

This looks like perl. I’m not too familiar with perl, so I’ll do it in C++:

me = &i;

you->excuse(me);
i->at(! my_best);

int months 1;
i->gone(months);
 
if (
i->left()) {
  i
->drunk true;
}
 
if (vacation == so_called{
  scheduler
->schedule_event(deathmesoon);
}
 
i
->set_state(sick);
i->set_cause(drink);

job_request->set_target(i);
job_request->set_location(home);
job_request->set_reason(rest); 

Michael Wales wrote on

I got bored after work so I decided to do another. I highly recommend you read the lyrics of Snoop Dogg’s Sexual Eruption along with this code - there are some true gems here.

<?php
  $participants 
= array('she''I''we');

  
$self->take(time());
  if (
$her->got_hers() === FALSE{
    $self
->speed--;
    
$self->stroke->rush FALSE;
  
}
  
foreach ($participants as $person{
    sexual_eruption
($person);
  
}
  sexual_eruption
();
  
  if (
$her->with_him() === TRUE{
    $her
->think_about($self);
  
}
  
  $we
->do('goto mall') = FALSE;
  
$we->do('go out to eat') = FALSE;
  
$we->do('play in the sheets') = TRUE;
  
$we->do('smoke a cigraette') = TRUE;
  
sleep(3);
  
  
sexual_eruption('her');
  for (
$i 0$i 3$i++) {
    sexual_eruption
();
  
}
  
  $self
->take(time());
  if (
$her->got_hers() === FALSE{
    $self
->speed--;
    
$self->stroke->rush FALSE;
  
}
  $self
->freak(3);
  if (
substr(date('l'), -1) == 'y'{
    $self
->keep('bad bitch with me');
  
}
  $we
->do('play in the sheets') = TRUE;
  
$we->do('smoke a cigraette') = TRUE;
  
sleep(3);
  
  
sexual_eruption('her');
  for (
$i 0$i 3$i++) {
    sexual_eruption
();
  
}
  
  $self
->do('goto club');
  
$self->destroy(sip('Hen'), smoke('dro'));
  
  
$hoe = new Hoe();
  
$hoe->set_params(array('id'=>'Ms. Bo Peek''background'=>'transparent'));
  
  if (
$self->take($hoe) === TRUE{
    $self
->beat($hoe);
  
}
  
  $self
->do('approach ' $hoe);
  
$self->echo('Lil mam what you drink?\nI know you a freek but you aint gonna say shit');
  
  
$old_f_face $self->f_face;
  
$self->f_face $hoe->f_face;
  
$hoe->f_face $old_f_face;
  
  if (
sexual_eruption($hoe) == FALSE{
    $self
->stroke->rush FALSE;
  
}
  
  sexual_eruption
(3);
?> 

My favorite line?

if (substr(date('l'), -1) == 'y'{
  $self
->keep('bad bitch with me');

jeremy wrote on

i’m speechless. they should put a mental health warning on all programming job descriptions.

Derek Jones wrote on

::raises eyebrow at Michael Wales::

Someone must be bored, bored, bored, lol. :P

Copying here from my own blog, posted on the day of the originally mentioned conversation.

if ($this->summertime === TRUE)
{
    $bass 
+= 2;
    
$this->alpine->blast TRUE;
    
$this->cd->insert();
    
$this->load->helper('rhyme');
    
$this->car->cruise TRUE;
    
    while (
TRUE)
    
{
        $this
->lay_back();
    
}

BoltClock wrote on

I think I get it now so I’ll give it a whirl too:

<?php

// ----------------------------------
// Why Does This Always Happen To Me?
// by Weird Al
// ----------------------------------

function chorus()
{
    
for ($i 1$i <= 2$i++)
        echo 
"Why does this always happen?\nWhy does this always happen to me?";
    while (
true)
        echo 
'ba';
}

$time
->set_to(NIGHT);
$me->watch_tv()->tape();

$report 'Devastating earthquake in Peru - there were 30,000 crushed'
    
' to death, even more were buried alive. On the Richter scale'
    
' it measured 8.2';
$show 'The Simpsons';
$media->special_report($report)->interrupt($show);

$me->pray('God, please answer me one question: why\'d they have to interrupt '
    . lcfirst($show) . ' 
just for this?')
    ->wait_for('
rerun', $show)
    ->see('
the part of the show I missed');

chorus();

?> 

Derek wrote on

MC BoltClock in the house!

Adam Dionne wrote on

I think you could devote a whole web community to geeks like us who do things like this.

if ($location != "Brooklyn"{
    sleep
(0);
    

BoltClock wrote on

That’s not a rap, lol!

I mean, what I made isn’t a rap.

David Poon wrote on

It’s 2am someone has to code this song

$Dont_cha_wish_your_girlfriend_was = array(
    
'hot like me?',
    
'a freak like me?',
    
'was raw like me?',
    
'was fun like me'
);

$PussycatDolls 0;
foreach (
$Dont_cha_wish_your_girlfriend_was as $reason_to_envy{
    
echo "Don't cha wish your girlfriend was $reason_to_envy<br />";
    
$PussycatDolls++;
    if( 
$PussycatDolls == || $PussycatDolls == )
        
echo "Don't cha<br />";
        echo 
"Don't cha<br />";
    
}

Scott Showalter wrote on

Some mootools for ya.

var body ['you','me','Chris Rock'];
var 
gonna_make_you_sweat body.every(dance[this.now]); 

Cheers :)

Brad Street wrote on

For all the LL Cool J fans who remember “I Need Love”:

while ($me->state == 'alone' && $me->location == 'in my room')
{
    $rand 
rand(1,10);
    if (
$rand == 5)
    
{
        $me
->action 'stare';
        
$me->action_object 'the wall';
    
}
    $location 
'back of my mind';
    
$tell 'You need a girl as sweet as a dove';
    
$conscience->call($location$me$tell);
    if (
time_in_life($me) == 1)
    
{
        $me
->see('I need love');
    
}
    
}

$me
->set_location ('there');
$me->set_time('past');
$me->set_state('giggling about the games'); 

Brad wrote on

Ok, had to follow up with one for the Digital Undergound fans:

//Humpty Dance - Digital Underground 
 
$you->performing_action('Stop'); 
 
$i->ruin($you->used_to('image'), $you->used_to('style')); 
 
$i->appearance('funny'); 
 
$i->finance('makin money'); 
 
$world->get_ready($me); 
 
$you->gather(round($me->set_status('ewest fool in town'), $me->set_sound('Laid down by the underground'))); 

Jon McDade wrote on

<?php

#    Message in a Bottle by The Police
#    It's not rap, but so what?

$lyric "Sending out an S.O.S.\n";

for (
$i 1$i <= infinity$i++)
    echo 
$lyric ."<br>";

?>